One year after we lost him...

Already a year passed after we lost our dear son Colin. I want to share my story. In previous posts of this blog I have described the pregnancy moments, the news we were receiving in each appointment and how my faith in God and my bond with my husband were my support and the reason why baby Colin survived while he was inside my belly. Almost every blog that you find about this condition are about how the families struggle with everything and almost all have a happy ending. Some can say that my story does not have a happy ending since the baby did not survive. That is why I wanted to write what may be the last post of this blog. I want to talk about what I learned in this journey. Like Paulo Coelho says, it is not about the result, is about what you learn in the journey.
Even though it is not a “happy ending” I can say that my husband and I are happy and in peace. The decision we made about not listening to the doctors when they were telling us to terminate the pregnancy gave us that peace. I do not blame women that make this decision but from the bottom of my heart I do recommend to a woman that is in this situation to please not terminate the pregnancy and to fight for your baby’s life! Doctors make mistakes very often. In my case they were wrong almost all the way until he was born. They were saying that he was going to pass away when I was 20 weeks pregnant, then they said I could go to early labor, then they said he maybe was not going to be alive at the moment of being born, that he was not going to be able to receive resuscitation, that his liver was going to be damaged at labor….none of this happened. The baby was born via c-section at 38 weeks, full term. He was alive. After that they said he might not survive the next 6 hours. He did. After 27 hours the doctors talked to my husband and I about the baby’s situation. After several tests and x-rays it was seen that he did not have enough lung tissue to survive. They said the baby was going to pass away alone, when we were not going to be by him. My first reaction was that I did not want to believe it! And how I was going to believe it after all the things they were saying that were going to happen…But in that moment my husband talked to me and told me “He is going to pass away when we are not here” The thought of my son dying in the hospital by himself and suffering pain made us decide that it was time to let him go. We decided to remove him from life support.
After that day it was a very hard and painful time for me..I did not want to accept everything that had happened even though I knew that we made the right decision. After a couple of months I started to feel better and in peace about all the decisions that my husband and I made. The best thing was that I did have the opportunity to meet my son! He lived, one day, but he lived! We could kiss him, and we even have pictures of him and we forever will be his parents.
This year has been good for us. God has blessed us in many other aspects of our life. I always think that our baby Colin is watching us from heaven.
I just finished reading two books that have helped me a lot! One of them is “ The purpose driven life, what on earth am I here for?” by Rick Warren. Excellent book! Also “Embraced by the light” by Betty Eadie, what a wonderful book, it made my happy!
Soon I will begin reading “Supernatural Childbirth" by Jackie Mize :)
Little by little our lives were normal again. Our friends and family helped us a lot. We have learned to smile, laugh and being happy again. Our son will be in our hearts forever and I will think about him every day! I have learned that we have to trust in God always! It does not matter how sad our hopeless we can feel at some point of our lives. If we trust in God we will have eternal life!
My advice to women that are in this situation is to have their babies. Give them the chance to live and give you the wonderful blessing of meeting your son or daughter. Nothing better that going trough pregnancy, feel your baby kicking, seeing your baby and give him a kiss. Knowing that even though your baby is with God now you will be his mom forever.
I have a lot of information about omphalocele. Also information about support groups and people that have babies and kids that have survived this condition and live a normal life.
If you have questions or want to talk you can email me babycolinmom@live.com
Hope that this story can help you.