One year after we lost him...

Already a year passed after we lost our dear son Colin. I want to share my story. In previous posts of this blog I have described the pregnancy moments, the news we were receiving in each appointment and how my faith in God and my bond with my husband were my support and the reason why baby Colin survived while he was inside my belly. Almost every blog that you find about this condition are about how the families struggle with everything and almost all have a happy ending. Some can say that my story does not have a happy ending since the baby did not survive. That is why I wanted to write what may be the last post of this blog. I want to talk about what I learned in this journey. Like Paulo Coelho says, it is not about the result, is about what you learn in the journey.
Even though it is not a “happy ending” I can say that my husband and I are happy and in peace. The decision we made about not listening to the doctors when they were telling us to terminate the pregnancy gave us that peace. I do not blame women that make this decision but from the bottom of my heart I do recommend to a woman that is in this situation to please not terminate the pregnancy and to fight for your baby’s life! Doctors make mistakes very often. In my case they were wrong almost all the way until he was born. They were saying that he was going to pass away when I was 20 weeks pregnant, then they said I could go to early labor, then they said he maybe was not going to be alive at the moment of being born, that he was not going to be able to receive resuscitation, that his liver was going to be damaged at labor….none of this happened. The baby was born via c-section at 38 weeks, full term. He was alive. After that they said he might not survive the next 6 hours. He did. After 27 hours the doctors talked to my husband and I about the baby’s situation. After several tests and x-rays it was seen that he did not have enough lung tissue to survive. They said the baby was going to pass away alone, when we were not going to be by him. My first reaction was that I did not want to believe it! And how I was going to believe it after all the things they were saying that were going to happen…But in that moment my husband talked to me and told me “He is going to pass away when we are not here” The thought of my son dying in the hospital by himself and suffering pain made us decide that it was time to let him go. We decided to remove him from life support.
After that day it was a very hard and painful time for me..I did not want to accept everything that had happened even though I knew that we made the right decision. After a couple of months I started to feel better and in peace about all the decisions that my husband and I made. The best thing was that I did have the opportunity to meet my son! He lived, one day, but he lived! We could kiss him, and we even have pictures of him and we forever will be his parents.
This year has been good for us. God has blessed us in many other aspects of our life. I always think that our baby Colin is watching us from heaven.
I just finished reading two books that have helped me a lot! One of them is “ The purpose driven life, what on earth am I here for?” by Rick Warren. Excellent book! Also “Embraced by the light” by Betty Eadie, what a wonderful book, it made my happy!
Soon I will begin reading “Supernatural Childbirth" by Jackie Mize :)
Little by little our lives were normal again. Our friends and family helped us a lot. We have learned to smile, laugh and being happy again. Our son will be in our hearts forever and I will think about him every day! I have learned that we have to trust in God always! It does not matter how sad our hopeless we can feel at some point of our lives. If we trust in God we will have eternal life!
My advice to women that are in this situation is to have their babies. Give them the chance to live and give you the wonderful blessing of meeting your son or daughter. Nothing better that going trough pregnancy, feel your baby kicking, seeing your baby and give him a kiss. Knowing that even though your baby is with God now you will be his mom forever.
I have a lot of information about omphalocele. Also information about support groups and people that have babies and kids that have survived this condition and live a normal life.
If you have questions or want to talk you can email me babycolinmom@live.com
Hope that this story can help you.

Un año despues que se nos fue

Hace ya un año y casi un mes que se nos fue nuestro hijito baby Colin. Deseo compartir mi historia. En pasadas entradas de este blog he descrito los momentos del embarazo, las noticias que nos iban dando y como la fe en Dios y la union con mi esposo fueron la que me sostuvieron y la que le seguieron dando vida a Colin mientras estuvo en mi vientre. La mayoria de los blogs que se encuentran cuentan una historia de luchas con un final feliz. Mi historia en cambio se podria tomar como que carece de un "final feliz" ya que el bebe no sobrevivio.Pero es por eso que me he decidido a añadir lo que quizas sea el ultimo articulo de este blog y es de lo que aprendi, lo que creci, lo que reflexione en todo este tiempo....Como dice Paulo Coelho, a veces lo mas importante de la vida no es el resultado sino lo que aprendimos en el camino.
Aunque no es feliz el final si puedo decir que mi esposo y yo gozamos de paz. La paz nos la dio la decision de no haber escuchado a los doctores cuando dijeron que terminaramos el embarazo. No culpo a las mujeres que tomen esa decision pero si recomiendo desde el fondo de mi corazon a una mujer que se encuentre en mi situacion que luche por la vida de su hijo. Muchas veces los doctores se equivocan. En mi caso se equivocaron. Desde el inicio del embarazo me decian que el bebe iba a fallecer dentro de mi vientre, decian que iba a tener un parto prematuro, decian que podia nacer ya muerto, decian que no le podrian resucitar, que su higado seria dañado en el momento del parto...La realidad es que nada de esto sucedio! El bebe nacio a las 38 semanas, ya "full term" y no fallecio en el parto. Cuando nacio me dijeron, otra vez, que las proximas 6 horas serian criticas y tal vez no iba a sobrevivir. La verdad es que el bebe sobrevivio! Despues de 27 horas de nacido los doctores se reunieron con mi esposo y conmigo y nos dijeron que luego de multiples estudios, radiografias y demas se comprobo que el bebe no tenia suficiente masa pulmonar para sobrevivir y que iba a fallecer...Yo no lo queria creer y fue una de las cosas que mas me costo superar. Como les iba a creer luego de que decian que iba a fallecer desde que yo tenia 18 semanas de embarazo? Pero en ese instante mi esposo me dijo "Se nos va ir cuando este aqui solo"...El pensamiento de que mi hijito falleciera en el hospital solo me lleno de dolor y es cuando reze y comprendi que era el momento de dejarlo ir. Decidimos removerlo de la entubacion artificial que le mantenia con vida y dejar la naturaleza seguir su curso.
Fueron unos dias muy duros para mi por no querer aceptar todo lo que ocurrio a pesar de algo dentro de mi sabia que fue la decision correcta. Con los dias me fui sintiendo mejor y empeze a sentir paz en todas las decisiones de mi esposo y yo. Fue lo mejor haberlo recibido, haberle dado la oportunidad de vivir aunque haya sido un solo dia. Ahora tenemos fotos de nuestro hijito varon y siempre seremos sus padres! Si Dios quiere cuando nos llegue la hora nos reuniremos en el mas alla.
Durante este año hemos estado bien, la vida nos ha sonreido en muchos otros aspectos...Siempre pienso que nuestro angelito nos ayuda desde el cielo. En estos dias en terminado de leer dos libros que me han ayudado muchisimo! Uno de ellos es el libro "Una vida con proposito. Para que estoy aqui en la tierra?" de Rick Warren. Excelente material! Tambien el libro "He visto la luz" de Betty Eadie. Me lleno de felicidad!
En estos dias empezare a leer "Supernatural Childbirth" by Jackie Mize :)
Poco a poco la normalidad llego a nuestras vidas. La familia y los amigos nos ayudaron y hemos vuelto a reir, disfrutar, ir a fiestas. Siempre llevaremos a nuestro hijo en el corazon y cada dia que pasa pensaremos en el. Dios siempre nos dice que la justicia y la felicidad plena no son de este mundo; son del paraiso. En este mundo nos tenemos que dedicar a cumplir nuestra mision y aunque cosas terribles y tristes nos ocurran tenemos que recordar que hay que confiar SIEMPRE en Dios...pase lo que pase! El que confie en EL, tendra vida eterna!
Mi consejo a mujeres o parejas pasando por este dilema es que tengan a su bebe! Nada mejor que la satisfaccion de haber sentido a tu hijo moviendose en tu vientre, haber pasado por la bendicion del embarazo, haber abrazado y besado a tu bebe! Saber que aunque lo hayas perdido eres y siempre seras su mama!
Especificamente sobre el onfalocele tengo informacion y contactos de grupos de apoyo y conozco personas y/o parejas que sus hijos han sobrevivido esta condicion y viven una vida normal. Para cualqueir pregunta o solo hablar me puedes contactar a babycolinmom@live.com
Espero que mi historia le ayude!

We lost our baby Colin...

A Conversation With God by Lisa Davenport

When I would ask "why did you make her have abnormalities?
He would answer, "not abnormalities, uniqueness."

When I would say "why are you doing this to us!"
He would answer "not doing, but allowing this."

When I screamed "I cant live if you take her"
He answered "I am what sustains you..."

When I prayed "let this cup pass from my lips"
He said "pray for what is best for her"

When I begged on my knees "Heal her, make her well"
He said " all things work for the good of those who love me"

When I held her still body and sobbed "it is over"
He said "It has only begun"

When I asked how? How can I help anyone when I am in this pit?"
he said "slowly,,, you will heal and comfort others."
________________________________________________________________

Our precious baby Colin only survived one day. He was born on September 27, 2010 and passed away September 28,2010. He did not have enough lung tissue to survive and we had to take the painful decision to take him off life support. He was a beautiful baby. He is now in heaven and someday I will see him again.
We are doing better now..we feel in peace because we did everything we could to save our baby boy. We trust in God and know he has a plan!!
My recommendation to all mothers that are pregnant with babies that have an omphalocele or similar condition is to do everything they can to save them!
God bless you all!

We have a date..and what a date!

We finally have a date! The doctors finally scheduled our C-section with the hospital, it will be September 27, which is our wedding anniversary day! Two years married that day and we will receive our first son, what a wonderful day will it be! That will be week 38 and 1 day for Colin. I really wanted him to be born on week 39 (October 4) as they had told me, but the doctors waited too long to schedule it and the date was already taken.
This was very frustrating. For about a month we were requesting this day to be schedule with the hospital and the doctor would say "Don't worry, you are a priority because of your special case"..Well, guess what we were not..I kind of knew this could have happened because I'm sure I'm not the only woman in the city with a special case. Something that I have learned from this is that "we are our babies advocates" Sometimes we need to get strong and try to explain the way we want things with the doctors. I learned this from the support group ladies.
This Thursday and Friday I have to go to the hospital to get the steroid shots for the baby's lungs. These are the shots they put for preemie babies to help them breathe. Colin is not a preemie but it will not hurt for him to get the shots either.
For the C-section my doctor is saying he would like to do a vertical incision...I really do not want a vertical incision. I have read that it is riskier and the recovery time longer. I also know that other ladies from the group only had a regular horizontal incision..but I still don't know what incison it's going to be. I trust in God and I know we are in God's hands and everything will be fine.
Well, I think my next post in the blog will be to post Colin's pictures :) Please we need your prayers!

Ya tenemos la fecha..y que fecha!

Finalmente los doctores nos dieron la fecha del nacimiento de nuestro hijo Colin, Septiembre 27! Es el dia de nuestro aniversario! Cumpliremos dos años casados ese dia y recibiremos nuestro primer hijo :) Estamos muy contentos por la fecha especial. Colin nacera en la semana 38 y un dia. Yo hubiera preferido que fuera en la semana 39, como me habian dicho, pero los doctores esperaron demasiado.
Esto fue bastante frustrante. Hace un mes le estaba pidiendo a mi doctor que programara la fecha y solo me contestaba "No te preocupes que tu eres prioridad, si hubiera otra cesarea programada tu serias prioridad sobre ella." Esto me parecia extraño porque estoy segura que no soy la unica mujer de la ciudad que espera un bebe con una situacion especial. Pero si algo he aprendido en este proceso es que "somos los abogados de nuestros hijos"...Uy me gustaria no utilizar ese termino de abogado jeje pero es lo uqe el grupo de apoyo me ha enseñado. Mi esposo y yo estuvimos insistiendo y llamando toda la mañana de ayer a los doctores hasta que por fin nos dieron la fecha. Si nos llegamos a quedar callados no se si hubieran programado la fecha o que...estamos a dos semanas de Octubre y no puedo creer que ellos actuaban como si no fuera importante. Mi esposo le dejo un mensaje de voz al doctor en un tono bastante fuerte y fue con eso que reaccionaron.
Este jueves y viernes tengo que ir al hospital para ponerme las inyecciones de esteroides. Estas se supone que sean para ayudar al desarrolo del pulmon antes de que nazca el bebe. Estas inyecciones las ponen mucho a los bebes prematuros. En este caso, aunque Colin no es prematuro el doctor nos dijo que es mejor prevenir y poner la inyeccion.
El parto sera via cesarea y el doctor esta hablando de hacer una incision vertical en mi utero, aunque en la piel sera horizontal. Esta incision vertical es un poquito mas riesgosa segun he escuhado..no me gustaria que fuera asi, pero el doctor dice que es mejor par aproteger los organos de Colin. Todavia el esta consultando otros doctores para tomar la decision final en cuanto a la incision.
Bueno, creo que mi proxima entrada en el blog sera para poner fotos de Colin y contar todo sobre su nacimiento. Por Favor les pido sus oraciones para que todo nos salga bien!

Haciendo este blog bilingue

Ya que somos una familia bilingue he decidido comenzar a hacer los update4s en ingles y español. En algun momento tendre que ir al principio y traducir los primeros meses en ingles, pero por ahora empezare a escribir en ingles solo desde hoy.
Un rapido update: Hoy baby Colin llego a la semana 34 de embarazo! YES! Es una semana muy importante en el desarrollo del bebe. Desde esta semana en adelante ya el cualifica para todo tipo de maquina y tratamiento y su oportunidad de sobrevivencia es mucho mas alta. Ya no estare tan nerviosa si tuviera que tener el parto antes de tiempo.
Colin sigue creciendo bien y el fluido que tenia acumulado por su pulmon izquierdo se ha ido! La semana que viene lo mediran via ultrasoindo para determinar el peso. Esperemos que ya este cerca de las 5 libras.
La fecha tentativa de cesarea es 4 de Octubre..estamos rezando mucho para que no nazca antes de esa fecha, la cual seria la semana 39.

Making the blog Bilingual

Hello. Since we are a bilingual family I decided to start writing the updates in spanish and english. I know that at some point I have to go back and translate the first postings that I did in Spanish.

Quick update: Today baby Colin reached 34 weeks! woohoo! It is a very important milestone for him! At week 34 he qualifies for all kind of treatmens and machines and his chances are way better. I think I will not be as nervous as I was if I would go to early labor now.
He still growing good and the fluid that he had in his chest is gone now! Next week we will measure him to see his weight. Hopefully he will be close to 5 pounds already.
Tentative date for C-section is October 4th..we are praying that the baby stays in my belly until that day!
**Sorry if my spelling is not good...I don't think I'll be looking at that for now :)